Just a curious question , I am the father of three- two are adopted - one directly from China and the other conceived in Mexico , born in the US but also genetically ( to be tested ) Aztec Indian , how do we approach the parental inquisitiveness which to date ( 30 years after the fact ) has not manifested itself or has it .
Not sure I understand your question. When you say “parental inquisitiveness” do you mean other parents? Or, are you asking about the child’s curiosity about their own parents? If it’s the latter, and the children are now adults, then I would encourage them to follow their own curiosity to find their own answers.
Thanks , I was pointing out they have no means of finding their biological parents , so I’m planning to get them genetic tests upon their consent as a start which might actually work today. But their mom and I have raised them as a unit that essentially is the start of an entire new family .for them with a very broad spectrum of people that may have contributed . To date none have overtly showed an interest in their origins .
This curiosity just hit myself given I’m 73. And has already lead to some discoveries not known to me . To start both my parents were estranged from their respective families and due to deaths and remarriages I never met three of my grandparents and one uncle . Then I discovered my maternal grand mother was an orphan that was not born in the US but in Germany ,immigrating in 1900 . My English sounding last name is not. , it was buhl and German , with that family originating from Germany in 1700 . So you see things rapidly expand horizons. . So the question was how to approach my kids questions if they start . We have always been forthright with information about their origins and as I have read the effects this seems to have on their adaption to social settings . They have already had the racial differences noted and abused .
I have always considered this my best choice and accomplishment that is on going , and thanks for any thoughts
It sounds like you’re more interested than they are, which is expected. Feel free to do all of the research for them. Do it for you, not them. Document your work and keep it in a safe place. They may eventually find their way to share your interest. Then again, they may never be interested and all of your work will be for you and perhaps another distant relative with an interest. Good luck!
Although there is trauma here, I enjoyed this piece. Seems weird to say "enjoyed," but I like your style of writing, and the topic intrigues me. I too am a ACOA. Wrote a little about that in my article:
I have found father/mother wounds the hardest to overcome in my own life, but just like the comfort you found while attending ACOA meetings, I feel comforted the more people I meet who experience this. I also think it helps my clients to learn that others relate to these feelings. For me, loving my children in ways I didn’t experience has helped heal that wound. And learning things about my parent’s lives after they died helped me understand and have empathy for them. I would think this is harder when it’s someone you never met?
Thank you for reading. 🙏 Yes. I’ve found that alcoholism is less about the alcohol and more about the “-isms.” Examining the family history has been helpful to place everything into context.
Just a curious question , I am the father of three- two are adopted - one directly from China and the other conceived in Mexico , born in the US but also genetically ( to be tested ) Aztec Indian , how do we approach the parental inquisitiveness which to date ( 30 years after the fact ) has not manifested itself or has it .
Not sure I understand your question. When you say “parental inquisitiveness” do you mean other parents? Or, are you asking about the child’s curiosity about their own parents? If it’s the latter, and the children are now adults, then I would encourage them to follow their own curiosity to find their own answers.
Thanks , I was pointing out they have no means of finding their biological parents , so I’m planning to get them genetic tests upon their consent as a start which might actually work today. But their mom and I have raised them as a unit that essentially is the start of an entire new family .for them with a very broad spectrum of people that may have contributed . To date none have overtly showed an interest in their origins .
This curiosity just hit myself given I’m 73. And has already lead to some discoveries not known to me . To start both my parents were estranged from their respective families and due to deaths and remarriages I never met three of my grandparents and one uncle . Then I discovered my maternal grand mother was an orphan that was not born in the US but in Germany ,immigrating in 1900 . My English sounding last name is not. , it was buhl and German , with that family originating from Germany in 1700 . So you see things rapidly expand horizons. . So the question was how to approach my kids questions if they start . We have always been forthright with information about their origins and as I have read the effects this seems to have on their adaption to social settings . They have already had the racial differences noted and abused .
I have always considered this my best choice and accomplishment that is on going , and thanks for any thoughts
It sounds like you’re more interested than they are, which is expected. Feel free to do all of the research for them. Do it for you, not them. Document your work and keep it in a safe place. They may eventually find their way to share your interest. Then again, they may never be interested and all of your work will be for you and perhaps another distant relative with an interest. Good luck!
Although there is trauma here, I enjoyed this piece. Seems weird to say "enjoyed," but I like your style of writing, and the topic intrigues me. I too am a ACOA. Wrote a little about that in my article:
https://shellnorman.substack.com/p/writing-about-the-past
I also am interested in all this "DNA stuff." So many stories of broken links.
I have found father/mother wounds the hardest to overcome in my own life, but just like the comfort you found while attending ACOA meetings, I feel comforted the more people I meet who experience this. I also think it helps my clients to learn that others relate to these feelings. For me, loving my children in ways I didn’t experience has helped heal that wound. And learning things about my parent’s lives after they died helped me understand and have empathy for them. I would think this is harder when it’s someone you never met?
Thank you for reading. 🙏 Yes. I’ve found that alcoholism is less about the alcohol and more about the “-isms.” Examining the family history has been helpful to place everything into context.