Beyond Grief & Death

Exploring Family History & The Work of W.G. Sebald

Image Credit: John Moyer c. 2009

Unveiling the Past

W.G. Sebald, a renowned German-British author, is celebrated for his haunting and introspective novels that delve into the complexities of memory, trauma, and history. His characters often wander through melancholic landscapes, haunted by fragmented memories and grieving the burdens of the past. In his works like Vertigo, The Emigrants, The Rings of Saturn, and Austerlitz, Sebald masterfully captures the lingering shadows of loss and trauma. I admire his ability to envelop me in their particular grief and loss, like a comforting quilt. In versions of my own story, My Mother’s Ghosts, (and more recently Secrets from My Twilight Zone) however, take a different path in exploring the complexities of the past and moving beyond them into the present. While there are echoes of Sebald's themes, a central difference lies in the solace I find in the fascinating process of historical discovery.

Sebald's work often focuses on the weight of the past, particularly the horrors of World Wars I & II. His characters grapple with a sense of resignation, their narratives devoid of easy solutions. I resonated with that validation of uncertainty often found in therapy sessions. In contrast, while some of my relatives did have a connection to WWII, my journey of uncovering family secrets, specifically of biological parentage, was fueled more by a yearning for knowledge and a desire to understand my unexplained and unspoken internal disconnection and feelings of foreignness. I was curious to learn more about my family history and why I felt so different from everyone else. I wanted to connect the dots. My dots. Curiosity drove me, as if I were extending my hand in the present through a tube or tunnel to pull myself out of the past.

As a practicing psychotherapist, I see the past as a crucial map to understanding one’s identity in the present. The point isn't to dwell in the past. By examining a client's experiences and emotional (as well as family) history, we can identify patterns and connections that influence current thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. However, unlike Sebald's characters who are often consumed by the darkness and horrors of the past, therapeutic exploration aims to be a process of empowerment in the present. It's about shedding light on those past experiences, and validating them, not getting lost in their shadows as horribly unfortunate victims. Through this process, clients gain a sense of agency and move forward with a newfound understanding of themselves as survivors and the tools to navigate the present and into the future.

This quest for answers led me to delve into the newly accessible historical data and amazing DNA ancestral research via the internet. Unlike Sebald's characters, who are often consumed and eventually overwhelmed by the bleakness of the past, I found solace in the process of discovering the plethora of recorded historical data made newly available by internet technology. Unearthing details about my family history, however unexpected, brought a sense of empowerment and a soft kind of satisfying closure absent in Sebald’s masterful work.

There are, however, points of intersection between my stories and Sebald's. Both of us explore themes of disconnection and the search for belonging. The discovery of my biological father through DNA and genetic genealogy, while a source of relief, raised new questions about my mother’s repressed sense of identity (as an adoptee who never knew her biological parents) and her family dynamics as well as my own. These complexities echo the sense of displacement and fragmentation often found in Sebald's characters. One might identify it as post-traumatic stress.

Ultimately, my story diverges from Sebald's melancholic tone by highlighting the healing potential of accurate knowledge itself, which was unavailable to his characters. Unlike those in Vertigo, understandably haunted by fragmented memories of war, eventually uncovering the scientifically verifiable truth about my biological father, and my mother’s father, brought waves of relief and a newfound sense of belonging and reconnection, though not necessarily to my family. But to the truth. It strengthens my own sense of unique identity, of being my own person, and my relationship to the truth. It also strangely strengthened my sense of self and bodily autonomy as an entity in the physical world. I had more reliable answers to the amorphous feelings of disconnection and unreality I experienced throughout childhood.

What I learned about my biological family felt like a missing piece of a puzzle finally fell into place. I didn't even know I was missing something until I found it. I felt relief. This experience taught me that facing the truth about your past, no matter how difficult, can be incredibly healing. It's like discovering a hidden part of yourself. Exploring your family history can help you understand who you are and where you come from. It's that feeling you get when you find your authentic roots, even if there are some gaps in the information.

While Sebald's characters are often consumed by the past, my journey has shown me the transformative power of confronting history. Through the process of discovery, I not only uncovered my biological origins but also gained a deeper understanding of myself and my place in the world. This experience serves as a reminder that even in the face of trauma and loss, healing and self-discovery are possible. By embracing the past, we can unlock the potential for further growth and development and a brighter future. Nearly everyone and anyone can benefit from exploring their own family history and uncovering the stories that shape who they are.