This has been my experience as well. An Internet searched helped me more fully understand a feeling I had about my relationship with my mother...that she didn't bond with me like she bonded with my younger sister. I lost my parents young, and we weren't a family that asked questions. Losing my mother when I was 34 left me as the matriarch of our small family (I thought it small until I did two DNA tests and apparently I have over a thousand cousins...I thought I had one). I knew my mother had lost her brother to suicide, but I thought it had happened when she was a teenager. Due to the Internet, I found out it happened when I was a small baby. Remembering my own trauma after my own brother's suicide helped me to visualize what she was going through emotionally during that window of bonding and attachment of infancy and early childhood. It made sense that three years later, when my sister was born, she was doing better. This understanding would have never taken place without our new technology. I learned so many other things that helped put a better narrative on my beginning years. I'm thankful for it.
First a quote: “As a practicing psychotherapist, I see the past as a crucial map to understanding one’s identity in the present. The point isn't to dwell in the past. By examining a client's experiences and emotional (as well as family) history, we can identify patterns and connections that influence current thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. However, unlike Sebald's characters who are often consumed by the darkness and horrors of the past, therapeutic exploration aims to be a process of empowerment in the present. It's about shedding light on those past experiences, and validating them, not getting lost in their shadows as horribly unfortunate victims. Through this process, clients gain a sense of agency and move forward with a newfound understanding of themselves as survivors and the tools to navigate the present and into the future.”
Thank you for explaining the healing power of exploring our family history -that we’re not just stuck and living in past but doing important work to connect with who we are.
This has been my experience as well. An Internet searched helped me more fully understand a feeling I had about my relationship with my mother...that she didn't bond with me like she bonded with my younger sister. I lost my parents young, and we weren't a family that asked questions. Losing my mother when I was 34 left me as the matriarch of our small family (I thought it small until I did two DNA tests and apparently I have over a thousand cousins...I thought I had one). I knew my mother had lost her brother to suicide, but I thought it had happened when she was a teenager. Due to the Internet, I found out it happened when I was a small baby. Remembering my own trauma after my own brother's suicide helped me to visualize what she was going through emotionally during that window of bonding and attachment of infancy and early childhood. It made sense that three years later, when my sister was born, she was doing better. This understanding would have never taken place without our new technology. I learned so many other things that helped put a better narrative on my beginning years. I'm thankful for it.
Thank you. Yes, she and my dad knew how to keep secrets.
Thank you Linda for your thoughtful response. So many others could be helped to heal and to grow using this approach, I am convinced.
I love how you learned more about yourself and your mom through these similar experiences.
First a quote: “As a practicing psychotherapist, I see the past as a crucial map to understanding one’s identity in the present. The point isn't to dwell in the past. By examining a client's experiences and emotional (as well as family) history, we can identify patterns and connections that influence current thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. However, unlike Sebald's characters who are often consumed by the darkness and horrors of the past, therapeutic exploration aims to be a process of empowerment in the present. It's about shedding light on those past experiences, and validating them, not getting lost in their shadows as horribly unfortunate victims. Through this process, clients gain a sense of agency and move forward with a newfound understanding of themselves as survivors and the tools to navigate the present and into the future.”
Thank you for explaining the healing power of exploring our family history -that we’re not just stuck and living in past but doing important work to connect with who we are.
" I didn't even know I was missing something until I found it. I felt relief." That captures it, doesn't it?
It's a feeling I'm experiencing as I uncover my Acadian heritage/stories. Thank you for this.
You’re welcome 🙏