What an excellent overview of family secrets and the insidious effect on children's perceptions. This impact of the unspoken can affect people well into adulthood as it becomes difficult to trust their instincts and know what is real.
I experienced this and it took until my sixth decade of life to even begin to understand how it affected me. I'm thankful for enough corrective experiences to become a very happy person (for the most part). Great newsletter!
That initial question, "What if the deepest wounds we carry aren't from explicit traumatic events, but from the unspoken truths and hidden dynamics within our families, our culture?" really struck me. I appreciated how you correlated the unspoken or secrecy to common issues we often only relate to trauma.
Your last point about creating an honest family culture hits home. My adopted sister was diagnosed with sociopathy and my mom hid the diagnosis from us. My sister turned 18, disowned our family and now, due to HIPPA, we can't get her the help she needs without her initiating. It was painful to deal with the truth (that just like all truth, comes to light eventually).
Acknowledging the painful realities of life is important and better prepares our kids to face the real world. Not with cynicism or victimization but with hope and heroism.
Thank you for your response. These family issues are heart-wrenching. Unfortunately, I too have experienced the devastating toll unspoken truths can take. Let's keep talking about the truth and about hope for the future.
This was new information for me in that if I recognized family secrets with my parental clients, I don’t think I put that together for the children. I only wish I could roll the clock back so I could use the information I’ve learned since I retired. Thanks for your article.
You might be interested in my review of The Lost Family by Libby Copeland if you haven't already read that one. You might know that I write about family secrets quite often--just can't help it. 😉 I appreciate this post.
Thanks🙏 I read Copeland’s book a few years ago and was more interested in the psychological impact of the testing and what “opportunities” it might bring to psychotherapy. I think I asked her about that in a Zoom call and she wasn’t sure what to make of it. So that led me to explore the questions more.
What an excellent overview of family secrets and the insidious effect on children's perceptions. This impact of the unspoken can affect people well into adulthood as it becomes difficult to trust their instincts and know what is real.
I experienced this and it took until my sixth decade of life to even begin to understand how it affected me. I'm thankful for enough corrective experiences to become a very happy person (for the most part). Great newsletter!
That initial question, "What if the deepest wounds we carry aren't from explicit traumatic events, but from the unspoken truths and hidden dynamics within our families, our culture?" really struck me. I appreciated how you correlated the unspoken or secrecy to common issues we often only relate to trauma.
Your last point about creating an honest family culture hits home. My adopted sister was diagnosed with sociopathy and my mom hid the diagnosis from us. My sister turned 18, disowned our family and now, due to HIPPA, we can't get her the help she needs without her initiating. It was painful to deal with the truth (that just like all truth, comes to light eventually).
Acknowledging the painful realities of life is important and better prepares our kids to face the real world. Not with cynicism or victimization but with hope and heroism.
Thank you for your response. These family issues are heart-wrenching. Unfortunately, I too have experienced the devastating toll unspoken truths can take. Let's keep talking about the truth and about hope for the future.
You are welcome. I agree, let’s.
This was new information for me in that if I recognized family secrets with my parental clients, I don’t think I put that together for the children. I only wish I could roll the clock back so I could use the information I’ve learned since I retired. Thanks for your article.
We do the best we can with the information we have. Thank you for your commitment to helping children and families.🙏
You might be interested in my review of The Lost Family by Libby Copeland if you haven't already read that one. You might know that I write about family secrets quite often--just can't help it. 😉 I appreciate this post.
https://shellnorman.substack.com/p/thoughts-on-the-lost-family?r=44j6y7&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Thanks🙏 I read Copeland’s book a few years ago and was more interested in the psychological impact of the testing and what “opportunities” it might bring to psychotherapy. I think I asked her about that in a Zoom call and she wasn’t sure what to make of it. So that led me to explore the questions more.
Family secrets often go unnoticed because they’re like water to a fish—the most familiar thing is often the hardest to see. They hide in plain sight.
I have a professional guide to intervention shortly if you're interested. But I will be only offering to paid subscribers.