One memory takes me back many years to a pivotal moment in my own psychotherapy journey. My therapist, a seasoned professional in her 60s, had been instrumental in my personal growth. Her guidance and support were invaluable. She had shepherded me through many changes I had chosen to pursue in our time together. However, one session ended with a bombshell – she gently announced her retirement from practice.
I was shocked and befuddled when she told me that she wanted to do other things with her life, but her example turned into a meaningful lesson. She was so adept at her craft – it seemed unimaginable that someone so skilled and satisfied with their work would choose another path. Her age, nearing retirement, offered some explanation, but the idea of someone leaving work that was a perfect fit still puzzled me, and a bit of a shadow fell over my heart. In fact, during that same session, as a parting gift, she offered me a book from her personal library titled 'Put Your Mother on the Ceiling' by Richard de Mille, the author who later exposed inconsistencies in the work of Carlos Castaneda. Neither of us knew how much that book, and the future it foreshadowed, would come to mean to me.
Looking back, with the perspective of 25 years and my own career in the mental health field, I have come to understand that moment was a turning point for me. My therapist challenged my assumptions about careers or roles as fixed entities. The moment could have triggered my abandonment issues. But it did not. This realization came at a crucial time; I had been considering pursuing a master's degree in my thirties after having languished for years in unsatisfying minimum-wage jobs even after I had earned a college degree. We were growing, and growing can be painful, bringing up all the past losses and ghostings. But was this moment only a loss?
Juggling personal challenges - attending 12-step programs, quitting smoking, examining and changing my diet, grieving the loss of my troubled mother, navigating the end of a romantic relationship, and trying to understand my younger brother after his severe psychiatric diagnosis that put him on disability - left me feeling adrift in my life. So many changes (and losses) in that relatively brief period. I could have abandoned any hopes of healthy change and stayed stuck… and safe. My therapist's decision planted a seed of possibility – could a fulfilling career exist outside the path I'd been on?
My therapist presented me with another change to process. When it came time to say goodbye, we opted for a quiet ‘good goodbye’ lunch at a local Chinese restaurant. Money was tight, so I opted for hot tea and a simple aromatic vegetarian dish – spicy sesame green beans and rice. Even years into therapy, the therapist-client dynamic held a certain formality, a framework. There was a pleasantness about the conversation, though the verbal details remain elusive in my memory. Perhaps it was a mix of emotions – the bittersweetness of ending a significant chapter and the excitement (and fear and sadness) of what lay ahead. We tried to make the moment as comfortable as possible.
Despite a lack of appetite and mixed feelings, I think our decision to end the therapy relationship on a positive note was the right one. A mindful and responsible one. Our professional relationship had always been warm and respectful, a model for the clinician-client interactions I would later use in my own practice. As cliché as it sounds, the ending of that relationship was also the beginning of a new one.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson – a career, even a fulfilling one, can evolve. In the big picture, we grow in many ways and directions in our lives. Our work together instilled in me the importance of flexibility and a willingness to explore new avenues. Perhaps, in a way, her decision to step away from therapy paved the way for me to step into this field myself and into an unknown future filled with uncertain possibilities. She had reminded me more than once that, Without risk, there is no growth.
I can't help but think about the varied farewells we've all experienced in our lives. From tearful goodbyes to joyful send-offs, each goodbye holds its own significance and lessons.
I've shared a personal story about bidding farewell to my therapist, a moment that sparked deep reflection and growth for me. Now, I'd love to hear from you.
Have you ever said goodbye in a way that left a lasting impact? Whether it was saying farewell to a friend, a job, or a chapter of your life, I invite you to share your stories and reflections. How did you navigate the emotions of goodbye? What insights did you gain from the experience?
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